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function getKeywords() { $refer = parse_url($_SERVER['HTTP_REFERER']); $host = $refer['host']; $refer = $refer['query']; if(strstr($host,'google')) { //do google stuff $match = preg_match('/&q=([a-zA-Z0-9+-]+)/',$refer, $output); $querystring = $output[0]; $querystring = str_replace('&q=','',$querystring); $keywords = explode('+',$querystring); return $keywords; } elseif(strstr($host,'yahoo')) { //do yahoo stuff $match = preg_match('/p=([a-zA-Z0-9+-]+)/',$refer, $output); $querystring = $output[0]; $querystring = str_replace('p=','',$querystring); $keywords = explode('+',$querystring); return $keywords; } elseif(strstr($host,'msn')) { //do msn stuff $match = preg_match('/q=([a-zA-Z0-9+-]+)/',$refer, $output); $querystring = $output[0]; $querystring = str_replace('q=','',$querystring); $keywords = explode('+',$querystring); return $keywords; } else { //else, who cares return false; } } $searchad=0; $refer = $_SERVER['HTTP_REFERER']; //if (InStr ($refer, "yahoo", false)) { $searchad=1; } //if (InStr ($refer, "google", false)) { $searchad=1; } if (findstr($refer, "yahoo")) { $searchad=1; $arr=$arr = parse_url($refer); parse_str($arr['query'], $kdata); $kword = $kdata['p']; } if (findstr($refer, "google")) { $searchad=1; $arr=$arr = parse_url($refer); parse_str($arr['query'], $kdata); $kword = $kdata['q']; } if (findstr($refer, "bing")) { $searchad=1; $arr=$arr = parse_url($refer); parse_str($arr['query'], $kdata); $kword = $kdata['q']; } if (findstr($refer, "baidu")) { $searchad=1; $arr=$arr = parse_url($refer); parse_str($arr['query'], $kdata); $kword = $kdata['wd']; } $kwords=getKeywords(); $kword=$kwords[0]; if ($kword=='') { $kword=$header_title; } //echo $refer; if ($searchad==1) { //$refer=str_replace(".","%2E",$refer); //'$refer=str_replace(":","%3A",$refer); //$refer=str_replace("/","%2F",$refer); //$refer=str_replace("=","%3D",$refer); //echo $refer; $kw = array("auditing","accounting services","攝影服務","access control","門禁系統","私家偵探","employment agency","carpet cleaning","滅蟲","裝修清潔","交友","pet","movie","florist","果籃","music","電腦配件","bag","company formation","business center","貿易","design","video","冷氣工程","email hosting","computer network","erp system","pos system","computer hardware","scanner","domain","寄存","會計系統","製作網頁","推廣","production","party","汽車","金融","card","銀行","debt","loan","cleaning","數碼印刷","債務重組","bridal make up","hot yoga","舞蹈","贈品","網上購物網站","color laser printer","視像會議","document storage","storage service","搬屋","courier","make up","纖體","護膚","美容中心","彩光脫毛","beijing hotel","tour","自由行","平價機票","環保袋","overseas education","進修","education","mba hong kong","補習中介","cell phone","ip phone","債務重組","translation","攝影","access control system","門禁","偵探","recruitment","cleaning","旅行","flower shop","情人節","piano","TAX","shopping bag","公司秘書","商業登記","business","design company","accounting","防火門","server","電腦公司","erp","trading software","lcd mon","motherboard","domain name","account software","web design","廣告宣傳","宣傳","噴畫","表演","currency","insurance","credit card","property","financial planning","telephone system","清潔","宣傳單張","律師","新娘化妝","yoga","bag","禮物","文儀用品","colour laser printer","投影機","hong kong storage","迷你倉","moving","express","化妝","纖體公司","護膚品","美容服務","激光脫毛","hotel booking","travel","flight ticket","air cleaner","環保購物袋","study overseas","進修課程","courses","文憑","food","cellular phone","會計師","空氣淨化器","婚紗攝影","cctv","防盜","調查","ribbon","cleaning service","電影","flower shop in hk","hamper","鋼琴","升學","購物袋","公司成立","business centre","中小企","design house","english","防火玻璃門","伺服器","crm","enterprise resource planning","trading system","laptop","短期課程","domain name registration","account system","web design company","email marketing","市場推廣","廣告招牌","magic","finance","travel insurance","hk bank","real estate","credit","cash","audio","印刷","補習介紹","wedding photo","瑜伽","gift","e shop","購物","fax","打印機","mini storage","迷你貨倉","搬運公司","中港快遞","化妝課程","纖體美容中心","美容公司","hair removal","coffee","hotel in hong kong","travelling","flight","機票查詢","mobile","cctv system","防盜系統","保安","cheap air ticket","cleaning services","recycle","online flower shop","坐骨神經痛","continuing education","english course","興趣班","company secretary","serviced office","商業","graphic design","chinese restaurant","防水","伺服器租用","computer system","inventory software","管理系統","lcd","mouse","hosting","accounting software","web page design","e marketing","search engine marketing","mobile phone","展覽","foreign exchange","保險","交易","地產代理","financing","信貸公司","camera","printing","英文補習","wedding photography","瑜伽課程","gift and premium","online shop","office supplies","fax machine","office furniture","mini warehouse","貨倉","logistic","本地速遞","keep fit","botox","beauty centre","laser hair removal","電話系統","hotel in macau","trip","security","閉路電視","pest control","清潔服務","花店","ribbon","company registration","virtual office","商標注冊","平面設計","carpet","電郵","電腦維修","inventory software","電腦系統","driver","notebook","web host","accounting system","web site design","網站宣傳","廣告製作","restaurant","場地佈置","money","旅遊保險","香港銀行","房地產","management","債務重組","digital camera","print","手提電話","婚紗攝影","課程","gift premium","shopping","文儀","laser printer","傢俬","ministorage","儲物櫃","中港運輸","快遞","slimming","美容療程","beauty shop","毛髮","garment","澳門酒店","旅行","airlines","回收","排毒","持續進修課程","language","ba","私人補習","fruit basket","security service","地毯清潔","訂花","成立公司","商務中心","創業","設計","地毯","維修電腦","mrp","進銷存系統","desktop computer","printer","web hosting","software","網頁設計","advertisement","promotion","租車","外匯走勢","banks","貨款","物業代理","stock","攝影器材","label printing","wedding","fitness","gifts","shopping online","printing ink","傳真機","self storage","自存倉","貨運","物流","修身","整容","facial treatment","美容院","酒店","旅遊","air tickets","健康","海外留學","英語","diploma","上門補習","手機","acrylic","環保回收","security system","清潔公司","送花","成立有限公司","虛擬辦公室","商標註冊","廣告設計","interior design","crm software","pos","computers","webhosting","軟件","網上遊戲","網頁設計服務","網上廣告","rack","外匯投資","bank in hong kong","銀行借貸","finance company","stocks","lighting","digital printing","結婚","keep fit","promotional gift","網上商店","影印機","storage","香港迷你倉","搬屋服務","速遞服務","減肥","去斑","skin care","冇毛","hotels","travel insurance","air ticket booking","health","海外升學","普通話","master","english tutor","流動電話","五金","recycle bag","保安系統","清潔","網上訂花","成立香港公司","廣告製作","家居室內設計","crm system","erp solution","電腦系統","computer","game","伺服器租用","網頁寄存","電腦軟件","advertising","video production","car","外幣兌換","bank","mortgage","finance","證券","銀行貸款","led","膠袋","風水","accounting","dance","禮品","網上購物","stationery","鐳射打印機","storage hong kong","搬運","運輸","速遞","瘦身","美白","男士美容","永久脫毛","hotel macau","旅遊保險","air ticket","老人院","加拿大升學","語言","mba","education centre","電話","metal","不織布袋"); $ky = $kw[rand(0, 471)]; ?>
贊助網站
} function findstr($fullstr, $findingstr) { $pos = stripos($fullstr, $findingstr); if ($pos===false) { return false; } else { return true; } } ?>
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生氣、憤怒、抓狂以及哭笑不得
文館
短篇故事
2000年08月07日
一定要全部念完, have a nice day.
主旨: 生氣、憤怒、抓狂以及哭笑不得
某天小華問爸爸:「爸,生氣、憤怒、抓狂以及哭笑不得有什麼不同?」
小華的爸爸說:「我做個實驗你就懂了。」
於是他翻開電話簿,隨便找了一個叫做林XX的人便撥了電話……
電話一接通,小華爸爸按下擴音鍵讓小華聽清楚──
小華爸爸:請問李登輝在嗎?
林XX:你打錯了。
小華爸爸:少來了,李登輝在嗎?
林XX:跟你說你打錯了!
說著就把電話掛了。
之後,小華爸爸又打電話過去──
小華爸爸:請問李登輝在嗎?
林XX:誰啦!你打錯了。
小華爸爸:請問李登輝在嗎?
林XX:媽的,神經病。
又把電話掛了。
小華爸爸又撥了一通──
小華爸爸:請問李登輝在嗎?
林XX:你到底是誰?少無聊了!
小華爸爸:我是連戰,我要找李登輝──
林XX:白癡啊,我還陳水扁哩。去死好了!!
說完就把電話甩上。
小華爸爸告訴小華:「這就是生氣。接下來讓你看看什麼叫憤怒吧。」
小華爸爸又撥一通過去──
小華爸爸:請問李登輝在嗎?
林XX:欠扁是不是?要找李登輝打去總統府!
媽的,你要是敢再打來就試試看……
說完就更用力的甩上電話
小華爸爸告訴小華:「這就是憤怒。接下來讓你看看什麼叫抓狂吧。」
接著,小華爸爸又撥了一通,這次隔了一段時間才有人接,電話一接通──
林XX:X你娘!去你老……
在林XX破口大罵的同時……)
小華爸爸:請問是林公館嗎?
>林XX:喔……喔,對不起,很抱歉因為剛有人惡作劇,我不是故意要罵你的。
小華爸爸:沒關係,請問李登輝在嗎?
林XX:哇!!你娘卡好……
這次沒等他罵完,小華爸爸就把電話掛了。
這就是抓狂,」小華爸爸告訴小華:「你懂了嗎?」 「嗯,」小華點點頭:「但──什麼是『哭笑不得』呢?」
小華爸爸笑笑,又打給林XX,林XX快速接起電話──
林XX:喂!你他媽的存心要……
>小華爸爸:我是李登輝,請問剛剛有人找我嗎?
於00年8月發佈
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,
隨筆:3篇
,
詩:1篇
,
歌曲:1篇
,
其他:2篇
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